dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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