her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
