i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
