Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
