I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
