remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
