so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
