There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I deserve this hangover.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
