officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
