Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
