Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
