That's when you crack a 10am beer
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
