Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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