walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
