The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
