when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
