There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
