508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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