Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
