i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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