I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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