bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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