The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
