ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
