Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
