three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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