I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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