Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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