so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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