Can i not drive my cunt home
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
