It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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