god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Porn is love you can see.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
