then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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