I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize