Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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