I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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