i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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