I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
