you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
