and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He passed out mid-signature
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
