she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
