Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
