You smell like stripper and shame
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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