Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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