Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize