I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
