I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
