I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
