you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
