I just cut my nipple shaving
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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