Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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