We're facebook friends in real life
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
