Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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