I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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