sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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