That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
