I hate all girls vehemently.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
