Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
