I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
