we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
