i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
