I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
