I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
even my farts smell like vagina
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
