So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
