Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just pee around me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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