Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize