I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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