fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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