did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this boner is exhausting
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
