remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
